Waking in a cold sweat I quickly recapped the dream before it could fade from memory. What was it that frightened me out of my slumbers? Ah, there it was, Joe Biden in drag. Aaagh!
There he was, standing next to Barack Obama, who had a big cigar between his fingers and a big smile on his face. He said, “Say goodnight Joey.” When Joe replied it was with the voice of Gracie Allen, “Goodnight Joey.”
When I stopped trembling I tried to analyze the dream. I blame it on listening to a collection of Joe Biden outtakes and having a glass of cornbread and buttermilk just before bed. No more Biden outtakes for me – not that late at night.
But I got to thinking. This pair really does remind me of some of the famous entertainment duos. Can’t you hear Joey speaking with the gravel voice of Pat Butram, “wayl Mr. Artery whadawe do now?” Or with the mush-mouth accents of Gabby Hayes, “Gol-durn it Roy, you cain’t let them bushwackers get away with that.”
Well, I was awake anyway so I spent the rest of the night playing the game of putting Biden’s head on the body of some comic sidekick and listening to him deliver his gaffes in the various voices while Obama played Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, George Burns and others; always trying patiently to go forward with the serious business while inexplicably tolerating the foolishness of his chosen pal. It was a lot of fun – try it.
There was Martin and Lewis, Laurel and Hardy, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, Desi and Lucy – aagh theres that disturbing image that woke me in the first place. A couple of my favorites were Leo Carillo as Pancho saying, “Oh Ceesco” and Duncan Renaldo as The Cisco Kid replying, “Oh Pancho.” Of course in my buttermilk drenched imagination it was “Oh Bama” and “Oh Pepe.”
Some reporters have wondered why Saturday Night Live keeps making funny skits about Governor Sarah Palin but never picks on Barack and his faithful albeit rather dumb sidekick Joey. What could they do? No comedy writer could top the things that these two just do naturally. Obama says, “John Mc Cain can’t even use a computer.” Joey says, “That’s awful – the man was crippled in war. Well I didn’t actually see the ad so I guess it’s okay. Stand up Chuck.”
Still, if SNL wants to try a skit, they could have Barack trying to explain the positions on a baseball team to a flustered Joey who gets ever more shrill, saying, “Who’s on first?” Barack: “That’s right, Who’s on first.” Joey: “What’s right?” Barack: “Who’s on first.” And so forth. Maybe better yet, have Joey running in terror through a zombie infested castle screaming “Obaaaama.”
Well, it’s bedtime, I need a glass of buttermilk.
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3 comments:
I've always thought that buttermilk-cornbread sludge you concoct had radioactive properties. I mean, I honestly think that Russia, Iran and North Korea had to pick up a blip on their radar while you sat there spooning coagulated milk and stale bread in your mouth. I swear I could see fumes rising out of the glass whenever I had to wash them as a child. Think of it...this could be the reason I did poorly in school! As if the rotten sour milk wasn't enough, it took steel wool and a half a container of comet to get it clean. You should stay away from that witches brew-see what it did? It made you temporarily insane...be glad you snapped out of it this time! I mean, think of it...Fanny and Freddie and you probably had about the same kind of dinner that night, right? They ate slop because it was all they were fed, you ate slop because you chose to? I don't feel sorry for you. I hope you have another dream-this time with John McCain wearing a Barbara Streisand wig and singing "People who need people."
Yuck...how can you eat that stuff? Shiver, shiver.
Leah
Did I mention the hamhocks and turnip greens I had with it? I finished off with a slab of chess pie - I know it's your favorite.
Mmmm...Chess pie...coagulated milk fat and whatever other remnants you have. Mmmm...should call it Junk Pie.
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